Couples Therapy
The distance between you isn't about the argument.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) for partners in San Francisco and the Bay Area caught in cycles of disconnection, and ready for something different.
Most couples don't come to therapy because of a single problem. They come because something between them has shifted, and the ways they've tried to fix it keep making it worse. One of you pursues: pressing harder, asking more questions, trying to get a response. The other withdraws: going quiet, pulling away, shutting down. Or maybe you've both gone silent, and the distance feels permanent.
These aren't personality flaws. They're attachment strategies. They're what happens when two people who need each other can't find a way to reach each other safely.
How Emotionally Focused Therapy works with couples
EFT is the most researched couples therapy model in the world, with decades of outcome studies showing sustained change. It works by moving beneath the surface-level conflict to the emotional undercurrent driving the cycle.
In our work together, we slow things down. We identify the pattern, the repetitive loop that leaves both of you feeling alone. Then we access the deeper emotions underneath: the fear of losing the other person, the longing to be chosen, the ache of not being enough.
When those emotions are shared openly and received by your partner, something shifts. Not because the content of the argument changes, but because the emotional connection underneath begins to repair.
I work with couples across the San Francisco Bay Area, Marin County, Oakland, Berkeley, and throughout California and Montana via telehealth. I welcome couples of all gender identities and sexual orientations. Many of the couples I work with include high-performing professionals navigating the particular strains of demanding careers.
Common patterns I work with
Pursue and withdraw
One partner escalates to get a response while the other retreats to manage overwhelm. Both feel alone.
Withdraw and withdraw
Both partners have gone quiet. The relationship feels functional on the surface but emotionally vacant.
Conflict after infidelity or betrayal
When trust is broken, EFT provides a structured path toward understanding the injury and rebuilding security.
Emotional distance despite love
You still care, but something has gone missing. You're not fighting. You're just not reaching each other.
Common questions
What is Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples?
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is one of the most rigorously researched approaches to couples therapy. Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT works by identifying the repetitive negative interaction patterns between partners and accessing the deeper attachment emotions driving those cycles. Research shows that 70–75% of couples move from distress to recovery through EFT, with results that hold over time.
How many sessions does EFT couples therapy typically take?
EFT couples therapy typically involves 8–20 sessions depending on the depth of distress and the couple's specific patterns. Some couples complete a meaningful course of work in 3–4 months of weekly sessions; others engage for a year or more. We'll have a clearer sense of timeline after our initial consultation.
Does couples therapy work when one partner is reluctant?
It can. Reluctance is common and doesn't predict outcome. What matters more is willingness to show up and some openness to the process over time. Many partners who begin skeptically find that the work speaks for itself once they experience what EFT actually involves.
Do you work with same-sex couples?
Yes. Gatewood Therapy is an LGBTQ-affirming practice. I work with couples of all gender identities and sexual orientations, and I bring both clinical training and personal understanding to that work.
Start the conversation together.
A consultation for you and your partner to discuss what's happening and whether EFT couples therapy is the right approach. If none of the available times work for you, reach out directly at bart@gatewoodtherapy.com.
Schedule a Consultation